Off With the Tape!
by ochinchincowgirl
Summary: When America was showing a preview of a movie in front of national television, the preview turned out to be an explicit video! Now he gotta bounce all over the globe to destroy every single copy of it. Canada and England's coming along too since this drama can also ruin their reps. (UKUS in the video tape; some OOCness and inaccuracy)
1. Not the Video!

**A/N: **Ahaaaa~ my first, actual, acceptable Hetalia fanfiction and fanfiction posted here! Hope you enjoy! This is my first, so please be light on the reviews. Some parts are a bit inaccurate but heeeyy. The video tape has the "Daddy kink" in it, just a heads up! Canada and England are gonna show up in the next chapter. OuO

* * *

The master of ceremonies held his hand; a silent hush swept the audience. The MC held the microphone to his face and began to speak.

"Thank you everyone for coming tonight! As you all know, our beloved country, Alfred F. Jones, is going to be co-starring with Matthew Williams, also known as Canada, in what would be one of the greatest films in all of North American history! Please give a round of applause to the United States of America A.K.A. Alfred F. Jones!"

As the boy stepped up on the podium, the crowd roared in encore and erupted in cheers. He flashed one of his famous "hero" smiles as the audience grew louder and raised his hand to calm down the audience.

"Thanks for giving me the mic, MC. Anyways, how are my beloved patriots doing tonight?" Alfred grinned towards the crowd. "Me and my bro Mattie has been planning to do this for a long time, seriously, we've been waiting forever! I've already gotten perms from my boss and Matt's boss that we can start this film, and I've got a special treat for all ya'll!" He beamed and pulled a disc case out of his pocket, thrusting it towards the sky. "This here, dudes, is the preview of our totally awesome movie!"

America's last claim caused a loud roar in the audience; he can hear a few girls swooning over his boyish charms and shouting his name. America quickly scurried off the podium to see the president.

"How was that, boss?" he asked innocently.

"Excellent, Alfred, though you never alerted me that you will be broadcasting a preview of the movie on national—"

"Trust me, dude, they'll love it!"

The president didn't seem happy with that but dismissed the hyper young man anyway. America handed the disc to the MC, telling him to play it on the large screen behind the podium. He ran back to the podium to grab microphone.

"Alright, dudes, hold on to your hats! 'Cause me and my bro's awesomeness are going to totally blow you all away!"

Right on queue, the MC started to play the disc. Unfittingly soft music emitted from the screen as the preview started to play. America was too busy bragging to some agents about the movie who were too polite to alert America about the error he made.

The screen showed something… rather odd. On screen, England sat on the couch, calmly sipping his favorite tea and reading the newspaper. America walked into the room, wearing too-tight jeans and a light blue see-through T-shirt. England chuckled as he saw the younger nation walk into the room with his suggestive outfit and put the items he was previously paying his attention to aside, motioning the younger towards him. America plastered on a crimeless little smile as his maneuvered over to sit on England's lap, running his fingers along the elder's chest and nuzzling into his broad ribcage.

"So what are we gonna do today, _Daddy_?" the America onscreen crooned over at his lover.

The England onscreen smirked and cupped America's behind with his hands and gently squeezing the two round cheeks. "My dear, sweet, Alfred, I have so many things planned out for you. But you've been a very bad little boy…"

"Oh yes, Daddy, I've been very naughty…"

And with that, the audience gasped, some even fainted at the scene. Angry parents shielded their children's eyes, a few girls were handed napkins and quickly pulled out their cell phones to capture this amusing moment.

The America on screen was wantonly crying out as England spanked him, causing more upheavals from the crowd.

"Oh! Yes! Spank me harder, Daddy! Oohh... it just feels so good!"

America suddenly felt his cheeks getting hot. He stopped boasting mid-sentence as his eyes widened at his voice onscreen. Oh crap! He immediately bolted off the stage, trying to hide his reddening face from the large audience and national television.

"Dude! What's up?!" America demanded hastily from the MC. That video was supposed to be a secret between him, England, and Japan! How did it—oh.

"Turn it off!"

"I can't! This stupid piece of technology won't eject the CD!"

At this point in the movie, England's grunts and America's moans can be heard loudly on the screen. Oh no, they're at the extremely graphic part!

"O—oh God! Yes, that's it. Harder, faster, Arthuuurrr~!"

"Ah! Alfred, ugh, so bloody tight!"

America grabbed his hair and screeched at the large television. He can hear the very inappropriate sounds coming from the screen and agitated (and a few slightly pleased) buzzes coming from the audience. He faced the media, left eye twitching.

"Why are you guys still _recording_?!"

"The people wanna see what the people wanna see, sir!" one of the directors laughed, probably not caring about the risk of being expelled from this country for saying that.

America growled. Well, desperate times call for desperate measures. He began to pull out the wires out of the player at short intervals and trying to crack open the mouth.

"Go tell the audience that we're experiencing technical difficulties."

The master of ceremonies nodded nervously, scurrying away to the podium and announcing what there has to be announced. He knew countries could get a little scary when they're distressed. America pulled out the wires of the player, blackening the screen and retrieving the disc.

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**Post A/N:** Pfftt yeah this was inspired by a PASWG episode. Also I might make a separate fanfiction for the whole explicit tape thing. Sorry it's so short haha.


	2. Eliminate All the Copies

**A/N: **Canada, England, I choose you!

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Canada sighed, bringing a leg over his other and crossing his arms, leaning back against the red velvet couch. He ignored his polar bear pet's question of who he was and stared at his neighbor in the south with an unimpressed expression. America pouted, twiddling his thumbs as he kept his head down, listening to his boss's lecture. Canada really wasn't surprised, this was all America's fault for getting the wrong disc, heck, the movie was supposed to be a surprise! And because of the sex tape of his brother and former co-caretaker, the making of the big film would be delayed. So much for having time and peace between other countries.

"How careless are you, Alfred?! Both Canada and the government finally gave in to your suggestion, and you put on a sex tape on national television! Do you know how bad of a reputation we and the United Kingdom's are going to have? I am not going to put up with the fact that our citizens now know that our representation spends his free time selling his body!" the president preached.

"With all due respect, Mr. President," a British accent entered the room.

England casually walked in, settling himself between his two former colonies. America blushed and buried his face in his knees, which England found terribly cute, but there was no time to coo over the younger nation. Canada must've noticed this and rolled his eyes.

"England," the president said, surprised at how cool the nation was at all the drama.

"As I was saying, sir, America and I were simply just enjoying ourselves, not mauling each other over silly little things. We nations are also human as well."

"Yes, yes, I completely understand, but that doesn't explain why America would expose a sex tape on national television."

England flinched at that.

"It was an accident! I didn't know that video was in the case!" America blurted. "I didn't label either of the videos!"

"'Course you wouldn't…" Canada murmured as he picked up the CD containing the video, observing it.

"Ugh! Man! I totally messed up!" America said, burying his face in his palms.

"That you did, love, that you did."

"Hold the phone, gentlemen! I got an idea!"

With that said America snatched the offending disc and offered it to Canada's polar bear. The bear sniffed the disc and then chomped on it, chewing it into pieces and swallowing the pieces. It gave a loud burp and pulled a napkin out of nowhere, casually whipping off the leftover from his snout. Canada stared at his polar bear in shock.

"Klondike!" Canada squawked.

"It's Kumajiro, mystery person, can I have more now?" Kumajiro asked, holding out his paws as if he would get more CDs to eat.

Canada huffed and pointed out, "Even if Coconuts ate the original CD, there are probably hundreds of copies of that tape right as we speak, Alfred."

"What!" England shot up. "That can't be possible, the broadcast just happened a few hours ago."

"Canada's right, England," the president said showing them a laptop that displayed an article that linked to a reuploaded version of the video. "Alfred, we can take down all of the copies on the internet and call for the copies to be disposed of immediately."

"Yes! I shall go contact the prime minister immediately." England stated.

"No wait!" America objected. "We can't do that, we'll make a lot of people sad and for the record, the hero doesn't like it when his citizens are sad."

England stared at America with a disoriented look. "We are being criticized at this very moment and you're worrying about your little people being upset?"

"Well duh!" America replied as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

"Okay… well then if you don't wanna have the government deal with this, what do you want to do about it, Alfred?"

"Good question, Matthew! Boss, you're gonna have to find a way to shut down every single article and mentioning of this on the internet, if it's even possible," America inhaled deeply. "We're gonna pay a visit to every single perv on this!"


End file.
